WTH is "Thin Privilege"?

Maybe I am not understanding how the word “privilege” is being used here, or maybe I am just atypical in my experience.  But, growing up underweight and tiny, I have experienced both sides of the size spectrum.  And neither is perfect.  Granted, being thinner seems to have more “perks” or “privileges” than being fat, but that doesn’t mean both are without positives and negatives.

 

Out of this list, here are the ones that I have experienced first-hand:

Finding clothing in my size in any store – most of the time I front $$$$ ordering stuff online and then pay shipping fees to send back what doesn’t work.

Flying – thigh and arm spillage on the person next to me, as well as having to use a seat belt extender.  The seat belt extender doesn’t bother me – but I don’t like encroaching on others’ space.

Bathroom stalls with my kid – this can be tough to navigate in non-handicapped stalls.

Booths in restaurants – my boobs almost always spill onto the table like they are the main course.  It is both awkward for the person sitting across from me, as well as my food gets all over my shirts.

Steering wheels – this was a big issue, especially when I was very pregnant.  Being plus size and petite, I need to sit up close to reach the pedals, but I also need space for the belly and boobs and butt.

Walking in between tables and in movie theaters – this is always awkward.  I always think “What’s less likely to rub up against someone, my belly or my butt?” It’s always the belly.  The belly, while big at times, is never as big as the butt.  This becomes an issue when boarding a plane, too.

Rides – My kid loves to go to Lollipop Park – a mini amusement park for little kids.  On some of the rides, adults “under 150 pounds” can ride with their kid.  Every time I climb into the Ferris Wheel with her I worry that our carriage will fall and shatter to the ground because I am over 150 pounds.  Part of that is my anxiety talking, but it’s a real fear.  But I still go, because they say it’s ok for me to ride and my kid wants to go with me.

Boots – This is probably my biggest issue with being big.  I cannot wear even mid-calf boots because, unless I buy a super wide calf boot and then pay a cobbler to put in an extension panel, none of them will fit me.  And even then, I can’t tuck my jeans in because my thighs are heavy and I will look like a Canadian Bounty.  Not sexy.

Motorized carts – When I had my gall bladder out, my c-section and dislocated my knee, I did use the motorized carts when shopping.  And I did get stares. And a couple of times a kid asked why I was using it, because they could not see any visible issue (other than my weight).

Student desks – I can’t even with this.

Job interviews – I personally have never not gotten a job because of my weight, but I DID witness someone else not give someone a job because they were heavy.  Granted, that person was a total biatch and got what was coming to her.  But still – I was SHOCKED when she just blatantly said that the woman was too fat for the admin position…

Ambulance gurney – When I have been taken by ambulance, I have apologized to the EMTs for having to lift me.  It’s a thankless job and I am heavy.  Let’s be honest.  Same thing when I was being transferred from my hospital bed to the OR table for my c-section.  I apologized to the doctors and nurses who had to lift me.  Yes it’s part of their job, but it’s not easy.

Infertility – This one I actually did feel the sting of repeatedly.  And I am so glad I proved that OB wrong.  As well as the one during labor.

Charge extra for weight – When I buy clothes, sometimes I have to pay extra because I need a bigger size and that requires more fabric.  It’s just business – more material = more cost.

Step stool or ladder – I will never forget when I started my current job.  I was the only shorty in an office of tall people, and I don’t like asking for help.  So I asked my leggy work sister wife if we had a step stool?  We didn’t, she informed me.  Then the next day, Staples delivered me a step stool.  It was so thoughtful and sweet.  And it has a 150 pound weight limit.  So I still use it, but I say a little prayer every time, LOL.

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With all of this, though, it has never occurred to me to consider NOT having to deal with these things a “privilege” of being thin.  It’s just reality.  I feel like lists like this are a Catch-22.  If a thin person then acknowledges their Thin Privilege because they DON’T have to deal with any of these things, how does that not seem like a criticism of someone who is fat who DOES have to deal with these things?

On the same token, I know thin people who work their little assess off at being thin or fit or whatever.   So these “privileges” are actually things they have worked hard for.  Seems like it’s deserving, no?  While I don’t deserve society deliberately making my life harder because I am fat, I haven’t put in the work to not be fat.  So that’s my issue – not anyone else’s.  (I know that there are people who are overweight despite great efforts.  But they are the outliers.  Most of us who are heavy know why we are heavy and could change that if we worked at it.  But only if that is something you desire to do.  You don’t HAVE to.  But if you want to, you likely can.)

 

Also, there are fat privileges, too.  For instance, being fat, I have boobs.  And boobs make clothes look nice.  When I was thin and didn’t have boobs, all I wanted was boobs.  So is that a “fat privilege” then since I have bigger boobs? No. It’s just a fact of reality.

 

Also, I am very nice to snuggle with.  I am soft and squishy and that’s wonderful to cozy up to.  Is that a “fat privilege”.  No.  It just is what it is.

 

I feel like a lot of this list is more like nuisances that occur as a result of being overweight, but it’s not worth letting it stop you from living your life.  I would rather make a list of how lucky I am to have a home to live in, food to eat, clean water, access to healthcare,  access and the financial bandwith to pay for excellent childcare for my daughter….THOSE are lists worth making.  If we make lists like this and focus solely on what is hard about life, WTH kind of frame of mind will we be in?  Victim.  I will not be a victim because I am a big girl.  Eff that.

Someone makes a snarky comment to you because you ordered a bacon cheeseburger?  WTH. Who cares what they think.  You go eat your cheeseburger with a big smile on your face and go about your day.  Their rude ass doesn’t matter one bit.

Do not let weight define who you are, whether big or small.  Don’t think you’re worth less because you’re big, and don’t think you’re the shit because you’re tiny.  Focus more on what matters and will be a constant over time: your character.  Skinny people get fat and fat people lose weight. So don’t behave in a way that, should either thing happen to you, you will look like a jerkface.

Just be real, be authentic, and focus on what is good in your life.  I know this is easier said than done for some people who really struggle emotionally about their weight.  But let's figure out a way to lift eachother up in our curvy girl awesomeness, focus on living healthy, happy lives just as ourselves.  Making a list of things that skinny people don't have to deal with doesn't seem productive to me.  But again, I may not be the norm.  Give me feedback.  Especially my Body Love people.  I want to hear what you think.

Though I am still going to mourn not being able to wear cute boots.

http://chubbygirlbrigade.com/thin-privilege-is-and-is-not/

It's a New Year and I'm giving up...

...on that which does not serve me.

"You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served."
 -Nina Simone

This quote was on the wall at City O City when I went there last week.  It has been stuck in my head ever since.

I wish I had read this quote decades ago, but sometimes life doesn't present things to us until we are totally ready to receive them.  I am certain I was not ready to really grasp and implement the notion Ms. Simone is teaching here...until now.

I think this is an EXCELLENT lesson for all of us to embrace in the New Year: do not waste your time or energy or any other resources in situations, with ideas or people that do not serve you and your life in a positive, beneficial fashion.

Make no mistake - this does not mean to abandon conversation or communication about hard topics.  That DOES serve a purpose.  What it does mean (to me, at least) is to stop with this "never give up" bullshit that we have been fed our whole lives.  I am officially banishing "never give up" and replacing it with "choose your efforts wisely."  So often, it seems, we spend our time and energy trying and trying and trying when 1) it's futile and 2) it doesn't serve us.  We do it out of guilt.  Or image.  Or because it is what we are told is supposed to be important.

I am calling bullshit.  B-U-L-L SHIT.

Find what and who serves your purpose, feeds your soul and challenges you to grow.  That's it.  That's what we should be chasing.  Happiness comes from within and when we spend all of our time and energy "never giving up" on the wrong things, then we don't have energy for the right things. So, ask yourself WHY.  Be that toddler that has a never-ending supply of "But why?" Keep the fuel behind your fire close at heart and frequently review what matches you are striking to keep it burning.

It's ok to give up.  In fact, it's good for us.  Giving up on something means that you will have energy to "never give up" on something worthwhile.

I can't wait to see what I give up on in 2016.  It's going to be a great year.

Life is Funny. And Colorful.

It's been a while since I have posted. The one time that I did post. Which was just to say that I am going to start posting. Lame.

Lots have happened and, like many things in life, the thoughts in my head come and go, and lately the thoughts that have been coming more and more involved God, faith, spirituality, religion and me. Rather than go into extensive detail, I just wanted to share this observation:

I find it ironic that me - the Queen of Black and White Thinking - has been settling into the Gray Area for years now.

Isn't it interesting that, as a child, there are certain things that are black and white (as far as clarity in understanding):

Don't hit people.
Share your toys.
Say "Please" and "Thank You".


Likewise, as a child there are things that are limitless in colorful opportunity:

I could be an astronaut.
I could fly.
I could sail around the world.

But, I find, as we grow and settle into adulthood, the colorful things become few and far between and the black and white clarity we once lived our childhood by has now settled into a sea of gray.

I was an opinionated, precocious, and outspoken child: Abortion was wrong. I didn't want to marry a hairy man. Girls are smarter than boys.

As I grew up, this black-and-white thinking got me into trouble (as did my outspoken mouth). And some enemies, some strangers, and some friends who cared enough to tell me the truth set me straight, put me in my place and now I find myself in the Land of Gray.

As for God, religion, spirituality, Jesus, humanity and all of that light-hearted stuff...I came to this realization just a few minutes ago:

As much as I want to believe it isn't this way, I can't.

It just can't be as Black and White as so many people believe it is. Just like people come in all sizes, shapes and colors, so must our thinking and way of living.

So, for now, I will accept that my grey matter has my niche in a mindset of gray. And gray doesn't have to be gloomy or depressing. It can just be ambiguous with colorful possibilities in its potential.

I will focus on the things in my adult life that do bring those vibrant colors: my husband, my family, my friends, music, reading, laughter, flowers, babies, animals and learning new things.

My grey matter is telling me that gray is ok for now.

I'm a bigger procrastinator than I thought...

So, apparently, I already joined this Blogger thing back in January of 2010...I had forgotten all about it until now (big surprise) and so I am finally getting around to writing (big surprise) and am already finding the sound of my fingers on the keyboard therapeutic (big surprise).

Originally I think this was supposed to be a portal for me to share my journey through weight loss and transforming my life into the healthy one I've envisioned for so long, however, like anything, there are no guarantees. This could start out as a helpful place full of nutritional info and useful tips and then just turn into a giant mess of ranting, raving and randomness.

Enter at your own risk. I hope you find my words, if nothing else, entertaining.

XO